today i feel a lot better over the weekend i went to see the movie precious. i completly recommend people see that movie. it was great, interesting, shocking, real, brutal, it was just every emotion wrapped in one. oddly while watching that movie i kinda related it to myself. well in the movie precious had two children and her relationship with her mom was completly ruined due to the fact her mom let her dad rape her. thats not my story but my relationship with my mom was completly shot. so over the weekend a little after seeing the movie my mom called me to see how i was doing i was pretty flattered just because my mom has never done that before even when i was staying with her she never talked to me or told me about her day or asked me about mine. well the relation im maki ng here is seeing the movie made me want to call my mom and just talk to her. it also maade me realize some people have it worse than me and my life isnt so bad even though im 17 years old living with my aunt who i use to see like twice a year before moving in with her in her roach infested house out south, sharing a bed with my 17 year old cousin and room with my other 15 year old cousin who both raid my shoes, coats, socks, shirts, pants, hair lotion, oil sheen, face cleaner, face lotion, my apple juice (which i have come crazy about one of many things i ABSOLUTLY HAVE TO HAVE) my cereal, food i bring in from restaurants, earrings, braclets, necklaces, just about everything, then there’s my aunt who is just money crazy who wants to “BORROW” money every other day, so to stay sane and avoid killing someone i spend most of my days and time at my boyfriends’ house(father of my expecting child) but when i return theres is a argument awaiting because my cousins have worn exactly what i told them not to, ate my goods that i like to snack on in the middle of the night, drank all my juices or used the last of what i need which i will have to replace with my money and then there’s my aunt whose owes me about 100+ dollars wanting more and roaches crawling over my shoes ugh its just disgusting soon i will have to be gone because my baby girl is due in march and i refuse to bring my baby home to that place so something will have to give i sometimes wish i could i could home where i can eat however much i want and not think about nobody except my younger sister and mom where the carpet is clean adn i can walk around barefoot and control the tv and lay in my bed and take a bath without roaches floating around or crawling and talk on the phone when i want and put somethind in the fridge and know it will be there when i go back for it and wash my clothes when i want to and not worry about detergent or who else is going to wash between my loads just worry free i really miss those days and when my baby girl gets here she wil be in a environment like that too its just not an option for me because it has to happen i will have something i can call my own and provide fror amari as my mom did for me and my little sister aw yeah amari is what im thinking of naming her my baby Amari Renee’ McBeth!! so thats about it for today wow im suprised at how much i just typed hope you guys can actually read this this reminds me of those long e-mails that my grandma sends me that i never read they’re just too long so if you dont read i totally understand see ya
9 Comments, Comment or Ping
Hey there Blake,
I wanted to take a sec to tell you thank you for sharing your story! You have no idea how many other girls out there can related to you and how much it helps them to know that they are NOT the only ones dealing with challenges in their lives. Your posts give people strength to keep going even when it seems impossible! Keep telling the world your story!
Peace,
Janay
November 18th, 2009
Wow Blake, thank you for taking the time to share that with us. It sounds like the movie really made a strong impact on you, it did on me as well. I’m glad that even with all of the challenges you are facing you are looking towards the future, and dreaming of happiness for you and your baby. Keep writing!
November 18th, 2009
Blake I am glad to hear you are feeling better today and that your mom reached out to you this weekend.
November 18th, 2009
I read! All the way to the end! I’m sorry that you have to share everything. I shared a room with my brother and sister from the day my brother was born. We shared very little space, had no privacy, and my sister and I often argued because we took each others things — money, clothes, shoes…sometimes when I would planning on wearing an outfit, or needed the money for lunch or a field trip, it would be missing.
I relished in the idea of moving out on my own…it is liberating. I hope that you do find a way to not worry about anything, and things start to look up. I look forward to reading more. Thanks so much for posting.
Cassandra
November 18th, 2009
Wow, it sounds like you have a lot going on in your life, but through all of the frustration and chaos it also sounds like you are learning what your boundaries are and what you eventually need for yourself in order to continue to survive. I haven’t seen Precious, but I just finished reading the book it was based off of, Push by Sapphire. It’s a really intense story, but it also made me realize how important it is to breathe, stay positive even in the worst of situations, give myself the space I need (both physical space and emotional space) to heal, and to constantly reach out and tell me stories when I need to get the words out of my head.
I know you don’t know me, but your words are beautiful, strong and corageous. Thanks for sharing, and keep on living!
November 19th, 2009
Blake,
Thank you for taking the time to sharing your story. I’m impressed with your focus on the future and your efforts to make a safe, productive home for Amari.
Peace,
Abdrew
November 19th, 2009
Blake,
People often say art like books, movie and TV shows are an escape from our daily mundane existence. Although I think this is true, I also believe that occasionally they mirror our lives in ways that are genuine, powerful and moving. The latter situation was the case for you with “Precious,” and I’m glad you were able to so clearly and vividly articulate your thoughts.
As a professional writer, I recognize that you really have a strong voice. Keep developing it. How? By writing. Every day.
Dawn
December 1st, 2009
I can’t wait to see Precious, too. From what I’ve read and heard about it, the movie shows some hard realities in an honest way. Your blog posting does too. You really described things well! I could FEEL it – the way you described your current cramped room, with no privacy or boundaries, and contrasted it to the calm and comfortable home you’re used to. Perhaps being able to describe your vision of your future so well will lead you to it! Keep on blogging. Want to hear more.
December 2nd, 2009
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